Stoned Age Man

A new hope?

2009-07-04T21:56:00.010+01:00

Some of you may recall I blogged a while back about the fact that the USA was still a no go area for HIV+ individuals like myself since 1987 on the absurd premise that HIV still appears on their list of “dangerous and contagious” diseases which present a public health risk! I know, Go Figure!!

Well I am pleased to report that there is a new hope that these draconian restrictions on entry to the US for people with HIV will finally be removed when the US government indicated that it had completed a review of the removal of HIV from the list of communicable diseases that prevent myself, and many thousands of other HIV+ individuals entry to the supposed "Land of the Free".

Once the regulations have been removed, HIV will no longer be a bar for entry to the US for visitors or migrants and I may just manage to get back to Las Vegas and win back the shit load of cash I lost o the poker & Blackjack tables in 2003!

Before I can think about packing my cases and heading off there, there now be two periods of consultation, which could see the ban finally removed by late 2009! Can I get a WooHoo!?

Joking aside once these consulations are complete it now looks increasingly likely that the regulations prohibiting entry to the US for HIV+ travellers and migrants will be removed. The Office of Management and Budget said that the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) could move forward with the revision of the regulations.

So far, a victory for common sense. However:

These revised regulations have not yet been published. Once they are, there is then a lengthy and complex period of consultation and review. Firstly they will be open for public consultation for 45 days. The regulations can be amended by the Department of Health and Human Services to reflect comments. The revised regulations will then have to be returned to the Office of Management and Budget for approval. A further period of review lasting between 30 and 60 days will then follow, after which the revised regulation will come into effect.

Being the eternal optimist that I am, I and thinking Christmas in Vegas, Summer in Sanfrancisco and the Fall in New England watching the leaves turn golden in the cool autumn breeze! A dream I have been harbouring every since I was diagnosed in September 2007! Hell, I may even be ablt to spend my 40th Birthday out there!

However, until this lengthy & protracted process is complete, individuals with HIV will still need to obtain a lengthy and soewhat degrading visa to legally enter the USA.

I live in hope!

20 minute HIV testing now available on the NHS

2009-05-21T20:54:00.006+01:00

Barts and the London NHS Trust has become the first in the UK to offer a HIV saliva test that provides a definitive result in 20 minutes. Saliva tests are not a new phenomenon as they have been widley available in the United states for some time.

In making the test available on the NHS, Barts hope more people will actively seek testing if the need to give blood and wait anything up to a week for results is eliminated.

Figues recently published show the UK has the highest number of new HIV infections in Western Europe, with more than 7,700 in 2007. With gay men accounting for 41% of those new cases. The figures also show that the bulk of heterosexual infections occurred whilst the infected persons were abroad.

However, as shocking as these statistics are they do not take into account the thousands of HIV+ indiviuals in the UK who are unaware they have the virus.

Currently, home saliva testing kits are banned in the UK due to the fact that counselling is not to hand at the point the results are presented but it hoped the availability of this rapid result test will encourage more indiviuals to get tested for HIV.

AIt is reported that around 200 people in Barts clinics have undergone the test since March 2009, and it is hoped about 250 patients per month will take the test in the future.

The test is available in non-healthcare settings such as outreach centres, and it is even hoped that the trust's sexual health workers will start taking the test into clubs and pubs!

Whilst tis outwardly seems like a great idea, I cannot personally see a great uptake of people wanting the test on a night out!

We have now got to a point in the UK where HIV is a long-term treatable condition akin to diabetes. However, this message has not yet filtered through and unfortuanatley stigma still does remain around HIV, even if it is not as prevalent as it was say 10 years ago.

The crucial point with HIV is that is is diagnosed in the early stages of infection, before you get ill. It is hoped the availability of a straightforward saliva test like the one now being offerde by Barts will encourage more people to find out if they are affected. The sooner you know, the better!!

The HIV charity Terrence Higgins Trust, also offers a saliva test, and they often try and push the message that one of the key problems was that many people in the UK carrying the virus do not know they are infected.

This is a danger to their own health, but also means they can pass it on to others without knowing. Any method to increase the take-up of testing has got to be a welcome development.

If you are infected with HIV you should know that if you are diagnosed with HIV as early as possible and start a programme of treatment you can live into your 70s and beyond!

Of course there may be some health problems, but this is no longer a death sentence it once was - far from it.

The only way we can fight the spread of HIV is through programme of education and testing and this newly released test will only help the fight.

Iraq - the homophobic killings continue unabated

2009-04-13T12:32:00.008+01:00

I blogged on this a week or so ago after reading a CNN flash on the indiscriminate homophobic killings in Iraq.

It would seem that these killings are still persisting in Iraq and this week Amnesty has called on Iraqi PM Nori Maliki calling for "urgent and concerted action". Amnesty have also criticised the Iraqi admistration for it's failure to condemn the killings.

In the last few weeks, Amnesty have reported around 25 boys and men are reported to have been killed in Baghdad because they were, or were perceived to be, gay.

As with previous killings, these recent murders are said to have been carried out by armed Shia militiamen as well as by members of the tribes and families of the victims.

Reports have cited that three corpses of gay men were found in the Shia area of Sadr City last week - two of which were reported to have had pieces of paper bearing the word "pervert" attached to them.

Amnesty has also raised concerns that religious leaders may be inciting violence against members of Iraq's gay community. It is also alleged that statements by one senior police officer appear to condone or even encourage the targeting of gay Iraqis.

Amnesty has called on the government to bring those responsible for the killings to justice and to ensure that effective protection is given to the gay community in Iraq.

As we already know, Islam (as do other organised religions) considers homosexuality sinful. An Iranian website published in the name of Ayatollah Sistani, Iraq's most revered Shia cleric, says: "Those who commit sodomy must be killed in the harshest way".

Sistani's official website calls for gay men to be executed. The statement appears in Arabic section of the website, in a section dealing with questions of morality, but not in the English-language equivalent.

Mr Sistani's representative, Seyed Kashmiri, was asked to explain the ruling by a BBC correspondent:

"Homosexuals and lesbians are not killed for practising their inclinations for the first time," Mr Kashmiri said in a response sent via email.

"There are certain conditions drawn out by jurists before this punishment can be implemented, which is perhaps similar to the punishment meted out by other heavenly religions."

He added: "Some rulings that are drawn out by jurists are done so on a theoretical basis. Not everything that is said is implemented."

OH! So that's alright then! In Iraq, if, "theoretically" you are gay then "theoretically" you are screwed! You may as well take the pistol and shove in your own mouth and pull the trigger.

We are now in the 21st century. An age of scientific, technological and spiritual enlightenment. Why then are we all idly standing by and allowing this to happen? The fact that since the US led invasion of Iraq these killings seem to have gotten worse leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Should we be blaming the increase in violence on the ever growing influence of religious figures and militia groups in Iraq since Saddam Hussein was ousted.

If we (the US/UK led coalition) are the liberators of Iraq then why is that "liberation" not being extended to all areas of Iraq, liberation for all regardless of their sexual orientation.

If this kind of religiously sanctioned homophobiawas happening in the US or UK then you can just imagine the headlines!

This bigotry and persecution must stop.

You can read can read more here at the Iraqi LGBT blog.

AIDS - It's time to stop denying the truth!

2009-04-12T13:26:00.009+01:00

In most of Europe and indeed across the world, refuting the established facts of the Holocaust can land you in jail. Why then is denying AIDS not so harshly punished? I draw comparison with David Irving, the "historian" whose denial of the holocaust earned him a spell in an Austrian prison before he was recently let out on probation. Given the hard and fast established facts of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, why are the AIDS denialist not afforded such?

Across the world there seems to be a growing band of AIDS denial activists spinning their flawed logic to anyone who will listen and gullible enough to consume their words, often with shocking consequences.

Just as Irving and others have ignored documented facts to spin their flawed logic, so a handful of mercenary scientists have ignored the truth to side with the denialists.

One story that actually shocked me is that of Christine Maggiore the founder of Alive & Well AIDS Alternatives. Christine died in December last year after a long battle with HIV/AIDS. Even after she had passed away her followers did everything to refute the official findings of the coroner as to the actual cause of her death (disseminated herpes virus infection and bilateral pneumonia, with oral candidiasis as a contributing cause; all three are related to HIV infection) Although it should be noted that No official autopsy was (allowed to be?) performed.

Even more disturbing in the case of Christine Maggiore is the death of her 3 year old daughter in 2005 from untreated AIDS.

Where am I going with this? Well I guess this case highlights all the flawed "science" of the denialists and their self-serving diatribe. As sad as this case is, especially given the death of an innocent child who had no say in her treatment.

How can it be that science that is not founded in any of the established and accepted medical facts be used to such devastating effect? How can governments be seduced into accepting a "truth" that flies in the face of every other HIV/AIDS professional on the planet?

The truth is this: HIV & AIDS are a very real issue in the World and only by education will we finally be able to fight this pandemic on a level playing field.

In the eighties the UK government ran a national campaign entitled "Don't die of ignorance" It is just a shame that countless thousands are dying every year due to the ignorance of others!

HIV & AIDS are real - the ties that bind the two together are undeniable and those that deny the truth are not only ignorant but indefensible!

Further reading

Did you hear the one about the "scientists" that claim HIV does not lead to AIDS?

2009-04-11T20:19:00.018+01:00

As crazy as that sounds there are people out there that truly believe that HIV does not cause AIDS!

HIV causes AIDS. This is an established medical fact, based on more than a quarter of a century of science. Unbelievably, AIDS denialists claims that HIV is actually harmless, and that the antiretroviral drugs used to treat HIV actually cause AIDS.

They believe that the pharmaceutical industry has somehow conspired with doctors and scientists, to invent a disease as a means of selling the pharmaceutical companies harmful drugs. Such claims may sound like absolute insanity to most of us. But the sad truth is that AIDS denialism has emerged as a genuine threat to global public health policy including in the USA and, particularly, in South Africa.

I first became aware of AIDS denialism after reading the blog of Dr Andrew Goldacre. He is the author of a book called "Bad Science" I am yet to read the book but he has just released a "missing" chapter that due to a legal dispute could not be included in the original print of the book.

The additional chapter, "The doctor will sue you now" primarily discusses the influence Matthias Rath had on the public health policy of South African President Thabo Mbeki's regarding HIV/AIDS.

Rath claims that illness can be treated successfully by course of nutritional supplements he calls "Cellular medicine".

Anyways, take a look at the links and make up your own minds!

I am HIV+, when diagnosed I had a low CD4 and a mid range Viral Load. I did take some time to think over the side effects of taking HAART and as well as its benefits. I am lucky, I live in a society that has a great healthcare system. A system that runs based on established scientific fact. A system that allows you to make a informed choice based on fact and expertise. The people of South Africa are not afforded such luxury and therefore it those of us much more fortunate to ensure that "quackery" is not passed as medical fact and subsequently put the lives of many thousands in danger.

AIDS Denialism causes untold death and suffering through ignorance. This has to stop if we are to be in with a chance of making a unified and informed stand against HIV & AIDS.

Thanks for stopping by (",)

United States of America - No go for HIV+ individuals

2009-04-06T21:18:00.009+01:00

Since 1987, the United States has imposed a travel ban on HIV-infected individuals entering the country as visitors or immigrants on the absurd premise that HIV appears on their list of “dangerous and contagious” diseases which present a public health risk.

The law specifically prohibits foreigners from immigrating or obtaining a travel visa to the United States. On July 30, 2008, President Bush (Yeah Bush of all people!)signed into law a five-year, $48 billion (£32.5 billion)bill to fight AIDS, malaria and tuberculosis around the world as well as to lift the ban on HIV+ travelers entering the USA.

However, the ban has still not actually been lifted and HIV/AIDS activists, who at first praising the Bush administration are becoming frustrated and impatient for an actual removal of the ban.

HIV/AIDS activists originally declared the ban to be unnecessary and unfair. The ban itself was not written into US law until 1993, during the Clinton Administration. This legislation made HIV the only specific medical condition mentioned as grounds for inadmissibility to the US. Activists have long argued that the ban was just another in a long string on US inconsistencies on HIV/AIDS policy. Many HIV professionals stated that the ban was not consistent with the international leadership role the United States has taken with PEPFAR (President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS relief). Experts at the International AIDS conference last Autumn were full of praise for the new legislation on lifting the travel ban. However, since then very little has been done to actually lift the ban. Apparently, in order to do so, the Department of Health and Human Services must write a new rule, submit it for public comment, and finalise it. At the end of his tenure as President, some 58 Democrats submitted a letter to President Bush urging “swift action” on the issue.

Due to the ban, no major AIDS conference has been held on US soil since 1993 as no activists or researchers infected with the virus may enter the country without embarking on a complicated waiver process.

I was reading that in 1991, some 40,000 Haitian political refugees fled to the US. Of these refugees, 158 were detained in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba due to the HIV ban. For nearly twenty months, Guantanamo Bay hosted these 158 political refugees, due to either being HIV-positive, or a relative of one of the positive refugees.

Despite the fact Bush had signed the bill mandating removal of the ban into law, HIV remains on the list of “dangerous and contagious” diseases that may prevent entry into the United States. Recently, the Department of Homeland Security released a revised and “streamlined” process for obtaining a waiver, making it easier to obtain the necessary visa for postive indiviuals to enter the US. However, the Department of Heath and Human Services has still not removed HIV from the list of medical conditions which are grounds for exclusion from entering the country.

A study conducted in 2006 showed that of 1113 HIV positive survey respondents. 349 (31%) had traveled to the United States. Of those 349 that had traveled to the US, only 14.3% traveled with the mandatory waiver to obtain a travel visa. Many simply did not disclose their status. This study not only shows the inefficacy of the travel ban, but shows the harm presented to HIV+ individuals who desire to visit the United States. The study showed that patients on anti-retroviral therapy (212 patients) were more likely to go off their medication, increasing their chances of developing drug-resistant HIV strains or developing AIDS.

There are other countries around the world that, along with the US, maintain an archaic travel ban on people living with HIV. These countries are: Iraq, China, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Sudan, Qatar, Brunei, Oman, Moldova, Russia, Armenia, and South Korea.

Given it's standing in the World should the United States still include itself amongst these countries in discriminating against people living with HIV?

We can just hope that the newly elected Obama Administration will take this somewhat contentsion bull by the horns and end the uneccessary discrimination of HIV+ people wishing to visit the USA.

At the risk of highjacking the Obama sound bite that helped him ride the crest of a wave to his historic victory - It's time for change! It is also time for hope. A hope that so many have in Barack Obama and his first term in office.

Bayer - The great HIV cover-up

2009-04-06T18:47:00.009+01:00

OK, so this may be old news (broke in 2006) but I have only just stumbled across the story and I am so utter disgusted by the details I was just compelled to write about it.

So this is the long and short of the story.

In 2006 it was discovered from released documents that Bayer sells a HIV-Infected Drug in Latin America, Europe and Asia.

The documents show that the drug company sold millions of dollars worth of Factor VIII concentrate (an injectable blood clotting drug) intended for hemophiliacs to some Asian, Latin American, and European countries in the mid-1980s even though they KNEW that it was tainted with the HIV virus.

Bayer were aware of the fact that the drug was tainted and allegedly told the FDA to keep things under wraps while they made a profit off a drug that infected its patients.

You can watch the MSNBC news report on the story below:

If these allegations are true, then both Bayer and the FDA are guilty of the infection and subsequent deaths of 1000's of haemophiliacs worldwide. It is also alleged that FDA regulators helped to keep the continued sales hidden, asking the company that the problem be ''quietly solved without alerting the Congress, the medical community and the public,'' all this according to the minutes of a 1985 meeting.

Yet despite these allegations, no Bayer executives ever faced arrest or prosecution in the United States. A Bayer representative had this to say: “Bayer behaved responsibly, ethically and humanely… [and its actions] were consistent with regulations.” Mmmm! Go figure!

Here's what gets me, I had a choice in my HIV infection. As I have blogged previously. I took the risks and have paid the price. However the haemophiliacs affected by this did not have a choice! The Factor VIII was their lifeline, a drug that would help their condition, to go some way to live a normal life. How many would have willing taken the medication if they knew that they would be trading one condition for another disease that (at the time) would prove to be terminal? A condition that, without their knowledge would not only affect them but their loved ones too via secondary infection.

I find it totally off the scale that, if true, no one from either Bayer or the FDA have ever faced any charges with respect to this blatant display of corporate greed and ignorance.

Bigotry in the extreme!

2009-04-05T20:31:00.005+01:00

Well, by all accounts the US/UK/coalition invasion of Iraq was all about liberation.

If that is the case then why have 6 gay men been shot by thier fellow tribesmen in Iraq?

You can read the CNN flash on this here

By all accounts these appear to be clerical executions, not government/militia actions. However, seeing as we (UK/USA et al) are playing the liberation card in Iraq these murders need to be addressed and acted upon.

Wishful thinking on my part???

CrusAid Walk for Life 2009

2009-04-03T17:53:00.006+01:00

On June 7th 2009 I am taking part in the CrusAid Walk for Life in London.

Walk for Life is a 10k sponsored walk around London to raise funds and awareness of HIV in the UK and Globally.

Please visit the link to my online sponsorship page below to show your support for this more than worthy charity:

You can sponsor me here

NB: Please do not forget to check the box if you wish to Gift Aid your sponsorship so that CrusAid can claim back an additional 28% (UK taxpayers only)

Since 1986 CrusAid has raised in excess of £33 million for those affected by HIV/AIDS here in the UK and around the world. CrusAids vision is a world where people living with HIV and AIDS can live with dignity and have a decent quality of life, whatever their circumstances and your sponsorship will help them achieve that goal.

With around 80.000 HIV positive people in the UK, and an incredible 33 million people living with HIV and AIDS internationally, Crusaid is needed now more than ever. Find out more about Crusaid and their work here

Thanks (",)

Religious ignorance and HIV

2009-03-17T20:59:00.003Z

Again the total ignorance and arrogance of the Catholic church never fails to astound me. . .

Today Pope Benedict XVI arrived in Africa for his first visit as pontiff. He has said that handing out condoms is not the answer in the fight against HIV/Aids. He was Speaking en route to Cameroon, and he has said the Catholic churhes view is that the distribution of condoms "increases the problem" as The Vatican urges abstinence.

I find the Vaticans stance on the HIV epidemic in Africa (and the world) startling, especially in the face of overwhelming evidence that condoms are a vital aid in stemming the upward trend in infections. Being HIV+ myself I know that the use of condoms as well as a wider education program are the two key tools in bringing the HIV epidemic under control all over the World, not just in Africa.

How can the church show such ignorance? I guess in 50 years time, just as we have had with regards to the Holocaust the church will admit it got it wrong but by then millions more will have perished due to this disease. Remember the TV campaign from the mid-eighties? "Don't die of ignorance" Well I think the catholic churches ignorance is causing millions more to die!

A good day!

2009-03-15T21:20:00.010Z

Well what a fantastic day today has been! In fact the whole weekend has been great! It has certainly felt that Spring has finally sprung here in South Wales!

Saturday was wonderful as we managed to get some work done in the garden. Clear the lawn and get the pots and bushes pruned all ready for the rapidly approaching Summer! His Knibbs really enjoys spending the day in the garden - food for his soul! Mind you there was one moment of excitement! I got back from the supermarket to be greet by His Knibbs with blood all over his t-shirt! The numpty had flipped the garden strimmer to lengthen the cord and like a total idiot forgot to turn it off! The strimmer promptly took part of his knuckle off! Honestly it was like a scene from Saw when I walked through the front door! Fortunately it was not fatal! He just felt a bit of a tit due to his blatant disregard for the most basic Health & Safety issues! Anyways after I had called him all the idiots under the sun and a good spray of Elastoplast all was good in the garden again!

Today was even better! Lovely warm spring sunshine so we took a stroll down on the beach as His Knibbs wanted to get a few photos to upload to Flickr. We walked the beach for a good couple of hours and were quite surprised just how many people had the same idea. Don't get me wrong our beach is well used by the locals, even more so since it was awarded the much coveted Blue Flag award last summer! Well we made our way towards the dunes first of all where we had some fun trying to get some decent photos with our somewhat modest little digital camera!

Got to admit we got a few great photos. Especially of some small rocks poking out the sand that looked like a mountain range in the photo! Got to admit I am quite proud of that one! (",) Anyway after we had walked the dunes and enjoyed the warm sun and sea breeze we thought it be best to head back but we really wanted to take a closer look at the new beach art installed over the Winter. Our particular favourite is a 40 foot tall steel structure halfway down the promenade. The installation is called Kite Tail by a local artist by the name of Andy Rowe.

I think you will agree it is quite impressive and a thing of beauty!

All in all it has made for a lovey weekend and has put me in a great mind for the start of the working week! Roll on the Summer is what I say!

Stigma - Fact or Fiction??

2009-03-14T22:25:00.004Z

OK - been thinking (and talking) about the whole HIV thing and the stigma that goes with it.

I have to say, from my part at least - Stigma just is not there! Not from my friends, co-workers or family! Maybe I am lucky and the people I am surrounded with have good heads on their shoulders.

As far as the "scene" goes I am not too sure! Not being a "Scene Queen" anymore, I tend not to mix with the scantily clad disco bunnies so my status is not something I would usually bring up in conversation on, one of the few occasions I go out!

HOWEVER!

Being a member on Gaydar I do spend some time in the chat rooms and I have come across quite a disturbing trend! I can only refer to it as "status chasing". Supposed guys with a negative status that are actively searching out the virus! WHY!!! HELLOOOO - do you not actually understand what HIV does to you? OK, so it is no longer the death sentence it was back in the 80's but it still screws up the rest of your life! I just don't get it!! Seemingly "bright" guy chasing the virus by seeking out bareback sex with people they know that are HIV+.

Two things here: Firstly - If I was to knowingly have unprotected sex with someone and they then become infected, I can go to prison! Secondly, these guys are chasing the virus with no real comprehension of what it is like to live the HIV. Whats happened to education in schools, the wider community and the Scene?

I am just baffled and concerned! Maybe the local bars should start trips to the local wards in the hospital where folks in the final days of their lives due the HIV/AIDS are being treated and see the devastation it causes. Maybe when they see the destruction of the disease they will realise the importance of the safe sex message. Realise the posters & leaflets actually have a message that needs to be understood!

So they get infected, the become part of the "HIV Club" , what are they expecting next? The mind boggles!

Let me finish up by saying this - the safe sex message is something they should listen to, understand and "Rubbering-up" should be the new Black for 2009! Well we can hope!

Disclosed!

2008-11-18T22:46:00.004Z

Seeing as there as been such a gap since my last regular entries, I still have a few follow up posts to make.

When I was discussing my disclosure dilemma I guess I failed to take into account the depth of friendship and maturity of my co workers! Anyways, one by one over the last few months I have discussed my status and have to say I have been overwhelmed by the support I have had! I should point out that I work in a very masculine industry, so disclosure of my HIV status was, in my mind, going to be an issue - where has my homosexuality never has been, not that I wear my sexuality on my sleeve anyway!

Anyway - the long and short of the matter is the guys I work with have just taken the news in their stride and have been so unbelievably supportive it was a little overwhelming!

It took a great deal of soul searching on my part - 10 months of it to be exact! But it has been one of the best things I have done. Now the guys show an interest in the condition and my treatment, not in an overly intrusive way though. I guess the fact that some of them are single (and all straight) and are quite sexually active with different partners, it has given them food for thought. So much so a couple of the guys are arranging to get tested themselves!

That makes me feel kinda good about myself as I have managed to raise awareness of the dangers of HIV and unprotected sex! More awareness means a lowered risk of infection and the more people who are aware of HIV and the fact that they are taking steps to avoid infection can only be a good thing. Now they have an awareness and understanding they will pass this on to their friends and the message gets out there!

A job well done!

(",)

101 totally randon things about me!

2008-11-17T21:35:00.006Z

I have spent quite a bit of time on the internet over the past few days {my new found obsession with Facebook bears testament to this}, anyways I was reading this blog written by a guy I stumbled across on Youtube and he had this list of "100 things". I thought, now theres a good idea. Something cathartic, a task to list 101 totally random things about me and my life! Some things people know other that they may not and some that I am sure the won't!

The result is posted here for all to see:

My totally random “101 things about me” list

I was born in 1972
I am drawn to shiny things
I sometimes enjoy a good cry
I am married to Mal
I have brown eyes
My right nipple is pierced and it is tattooed
I first got a mortgage 5 years ago (with another 20 to pay it off!)
I once had a job selling refills for condom machines over the phone
I really like the colour green
I would sleep with Madonna if I got the chance!
The way Mal say’s “look at me” when he does his Kath & Kim impression it really makes me smile
I am regular
I’d like to be a spy
I am no longer scared of fish
I think Mal is the best thing that has ever happened to me
I am no longer scared of dying
I pluck my eyebrows
My friends make me happy
I enjoy the music of Sade
I prefer wholemeal bread
Mayonnaise makes me gag
I am going grey – FAST!
I first had sex when I was 16
I have to watch the news every day
I am 5 foot 10.5 inches tall
I can be quite homophobic
I hate my teeth
I think I can speak French
I prefer fried eggs as opposed to scrambled eggs
I feel that I only really “grew up” last year when I was diagnosed HIV+
Football bores me
I know I was born Gay
I always wish I had studied History
I like apples
I love my animals like they are people
Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah” makes me cry
I have experimented with recreational drugs
I once entered Mr Gay UK
I want to own chickens
I don’t talk about my feelings anywhere near enough
I have only ever slept with 2 women
I have lost count of how many guys I have slept with
I also like the colour brown
Paris is my favourite city
London is my least favourite city
I cannot bring myself to eat lamb
I wish I was more proactive rather than reactive
I panic if I am not wearing my watch
I find fireworks spellbinding
Dogma is my favourite movie to date
I am a sucker for a killer smile
I don’t know how I would cope if my waistline ever expanded over 30 inches
I am horny in the mornings
I have had my appendix removed
Adolphe William Bougerau is my favourite artist
I would like to give up smoking
I once stole a Mars Bar
I look at porn on the Internet
I am not convinced about the Climate Change arguments
My bed is my sanctuary
I would not recognise any of my siblings if they passed me in the street
I hoard things
I sometimes fart and blame the dogs
Gordon Brown makes me really angry
I think the smell of Cedar & Sandalwood is really sexy
I still don’t like needles
I always start things I never get round to finishing
The first record I ever bought was “clouds across the moon” by the Rah Band
I really enjoy my job
I think the word ‘lesbian’ is such a funny word
I have a secret crush on Jason Bradbury from the Gadget Show
I am looking forward to turning 40
I love frosty, foggy mornings
I only have five friends who I would trust with my life
I like shopping in Primark – I think it represent good value!
I am really bad with money
I would really like to visit Moscow but doubt I ever will
I know where I was the night Princess Diana died – I was out of my face in a nightclub!
I was once a Special Police Constable
I often wish Mal were the same size as me so I could borrow his clothes more!
I once appeared in a Gay porn magazine
I can’t stand children
I wish I found it easy to express my emotions
I am in favour of Capital Punishment
I shave my chest
I also shave my balls!
I only really like carrots if they are roasted
I drink more than is good for me
I enjoy smoking a joint
I think there might be a God – just not the one I was taught about
I used to chew my nails really badly
I am grumpy in the mornings until I have had a coffee and a cigarette
The only birthdays I ever remember without fail is my own or Mal’s
A cuddle from Mal is the best thing in the whole world
I wish I took more exercise
My greatest fear is dying in a fire
Madonna’s “Blonde Ambition Tour” in July 1990 at Wembley was the best live concert I have ever been to see
I am lazy
Lilies are my favourite flowers
I buff and file my nails

And finally, I really enjoying walking barefoot on the beach

So there you have it! 101 totally random things about me! I have to say a big thanks to Alec Sarkas who's blog inspired my own list, so cheers Alec and keep up the good work (",)

Well that is it for another day so, be good and above all be safe!

Damn! It's been a while part two! (A message from the HAART)

2008-11-17T11:21:00.004Z

OK, time to pick up where I left off!

You may recall me ruminating over the pros and cons of my medication for the HIV. Well back in October 2007 I started my regime of HAART (Highly Active Antiretroviral Treatment) medication with some trepidation! I was dreading the anticipated side-effects as well as the burden of adhereance!

Well I am pleased to say none of my fears came to pass! I had (and have had) no noteable side-effects from the drugs and the adhereance as now become a part of my daily routine! Best of all the medication reached the first goal of treatment, an undectableable viral load (VL) within 2 months! When I started my VL was around 2000 pm/pml so to get it down to below 50pm/pml in such a short time was fantastic! My CD4 count is taking a little longer to recover however. Currently I am sat around the 385 mark. This is an improvement from the 285 when I started but that increase has taken just under a year to achieve.

Don't get me wrong, I was not expecting any miracles from the meds so I am more than pleased with the numbers so far. It only bodes well for the future if you ask me (",)

I have to say that very first night, when my alarm went off at 9pm and I poured my glass of juice for me to take the drugs with was an odd occassion! I was suddenly hit by the fact that this is now my life, for the rest of my life! I will be doing the very same thing at the very same time every night at 9pm! It was quite odd the have that certainty there right in front of me!

Damn! it's been a while...

2008-11-16T22:15:00.008Z

OK - I know it has been an age since I last posted! So much has happened too! So where do I start?

Well back in December, me and "His Knibbs" finally got round to making honest men of each other and we celebrated our Civil Partnership! It was a really nice and quiet affair with our close friends and family there to bear witness to our union. We then took off to Paris for a few days for our "Honeymoon" The picture is of our wedding cake, beautifully made by a very close friend

The CP seems like such a long way off now as we are coming up to our 1st Aninniversary on December 1st!

All in all it has been a good year - the usual ups and downs, but I will bore you with those later (",)

So for now, I bid you a fond farewell. Be happy, be safe but above all - Love Life!

Is knowledge power?

2007-09-20T20:46:00.001+01:00

Good evening!

Been doing a bit of reading with regards to Anti-HIV treatments. There is a lot of information out there! However, I feel compelled to read at the moment, I mean I am going to have to start taking these drugs at some point in the future so I am going to want to know as much as possible. Aren't I?

If I am honest, the more I read, I am not too sure! For every positive I read there is always a scary negative, usually concerning some undesireable side effect. Now there are a lot of reports into how Anti-HIV drugs, when taken at the right time and with a near religious adherance, can allow a person living with HIV to have a near normal life-span. So what do you do!? OK, so the drugs, when needed are going to be the life-saver, the prolonger of life. However this still does not stop you approaching them with some trepidation! This is why I ask is knowledge actually power?

We have pals who are HIV positive too and they have said that try to steer clear of reading about the drugs. After reading what I have (and this is only the tip of the iceberg!) I am inclined to agree!

Mentally, I am prepared for the Anti-HIV treatment; I think only a fool would not be, but there are still those niggeling little doubts. How will I cope with the side-effects when you have to be so committed to your treatment? Its not like having an odd reaction to a parecetamol! Chopping and changing the Anti-HIV traetments can help the HIV build resistance to the drugs and when that starts to happen the goal of an undetectable Viral Load slips further away.

From our discussions with the Doctor at the clinic along with some of the stuff I have read, you can also take drugs to combat the side effects - I guess that is some comfort to the 'mind-fuck'! I am just scared I am going to rattle just as much as the pill box I will have to carry!!!!!!

Looks like 'His Knibbs' and me have a huge journey ahead of us!

"Serosorting"

2007-09-18T22:54:00.001+01:00

I came across this term the other night whilst reading a news item on the NAM website.

Basically, what "Serosorting" means is you discuss your status, positive or negative, with a potential sexual partner and then choose to have unprotected sex with that person based on your own status.

Common sense you would think? A good "risk reduction" measure? Perhaps! However, your knowledge of your status is only as good as your last test. Be that 6 months or 6 years ago. Now if you are having unprotected sex with several sexual partners whose knowledge of their own status is as only as good as their last test, does it still seem like a good "risk reduction" measure?

Are you not just working on the basis of guess work? Unless you have had your results that very day, are you not just guessing that you are negative? It only takes one wrong guess!

I would say that our situation is testament to the this. Somewhere along the line we got it wrong! I don't think we were mislead in any way by anyone. Whoever it was must have thought they were negative - just as we thought we were negative!

Food for thought!

Day of rest!? Bah!

2007-09-16T22:13:00.000+01:00

So much for Sunday being a day of rest! After a very early rise of 7.30am a quite energetic day ensued!! Not only did we receive guests & tidy the house, we finally get round to starting the last slog in the kitchen renovation!! Its only taken us 6 months to get round to it! (I should mention at this point, 'His Knibbs' did not get out of bed until 9.30 am!) So all that & I managed to cook a delicious and nutrisious meal too!

Absolutely knackered now but I somehow feel a lot more 'driven'! I guess with us both changing jobs, the dogs and plane idleness, we have become a bit stagnant!

I have to say the diagnosis has played a part in this new found vigour! Me & the Boyf have been talking a few things over in the past week and have decided not to let ourselves fall into this illness! Lifes to short for fucks sake!!

Sorry for swearing there, but thats what I feel like everytime I think about the HIV! Not in a violent way! It's more like I get this big burst of energy deep inside me that just seems to collapse in on itself then explode! Not had anything like that for a very long time.

So now I am going to channel all that energy into living life to the full & doing my utmost to control the HIV! Eating well, getting round to giving up smoking - Not the weed though! Excercise especially as the gym is the next project after the kitchen is finished!

Once we had finished working and had dinner, we sat down with a glass of wine and a nice fat joint! Just reward for the day methinks! Anyways, was looking through some pictures on the lappy. The first one is of the waterfall at Melin Court. We took on 16th June this year when we went walking with pals who live there. The second was taken inside Margam Castle on Easter Sunday. I just like them as they show just what we have around us. So much more to explore and experience!

Well it getting late now and I am guessing I will have abusy day again tomorrow. So I am gonna roll another one and then get some sleep!

So Good Night!

To disclose or not to disclose?

2007-09-16T07:50:00.001+01:00

I have been thinking on this every since the diagnosis! Who do you tell?

The first people we told were parents and our closest friends. The people that mattered most to us. The reactions, as anticipated were positive and supportive.

But what about anyone else? Should we tell our employer? We are not in an industry where our Status affects our day to day duties. We are pretty much "office monkeys" with perhaps the greatest danger being the odd stray staple or renegade paper clip! Joking aside though, this is a point that is playing on my mind.

There are a 101 reasons not to tell anyone other than those close to you, equally there are serious considerations to disclosing your status to other outside the 'inner circle'. I guess at the moment I am pretty much covered as I have a credible cover story for my frequent trips to the Clinic but what if I become ill and then the illness becomes more frequent requiring more and more time off work? Here in the UK at least we are covered by the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) but in order to be afforded this protection you need to have disclosed your Status! Rock and a hard place springs to mind, but it is still early days I guess!

I think as I learn more about my condition and gain a greater understanding of it's implications the the matter of disclosure will become an easier one.

Until then it will just be our little secret!

The start of my new life??

2007-09-15T23:11:00.001+01:00

Hello! Good Evening and Welcome!

This is my first ever Blog entry! I have finally succumbed to the Blog craze and and decided to post the thoughts of my (sometimes) twisted mind for all to see!

Well, my first entry is not so much twisted more an outlet as 9 days ago my life changed forever when I was diagnosed as HIV Positive. Now being gay I have been exposed to the disease most of my adult life, through friends, the gay scene and the Media. This however does nothing to numb the shock of receiving a positive diagnosis!

I can't really say it was a surprise when the result came back! I have lived the life style and played the "game" with relish and vigour, but somewhat foolishly, with the philosophy that it would never happen to me! Now it has!!

I have to say the whole process is a bit of a body shock! The amount of blood that has been drawn from me in the past 9 days is shocking! Being of a squeamish disposition has not helped as I have winced and moaned like a girl!! Forever cries of "make it painless", "Use a little needle" and " I am OK with this just DON'T LET ME SEE THE BLOOD!" Fortunately I have not puked on a nurse yet but there is still time!

I guess at this point I should also mention that my Partner of 8 years also received a positive result on the same day. Something I am quite glad about. Now when I say that I do not mean that in a nasty way; what I actually mean is that I have someone there, someone who knows me mind, body and soul to share the experience with! I did cry when I was told but the Boyf, the pragmatic sort that he is took it on the chin, squeezed my hand and gave me the look that I know means " Don't worry, I am here". In that respect I guess I am so very lucky. So many before us have had to go through this on their own but we have each other for support, that ready made shoulder to cry on!

The folks at our local clinic are fantastic, I can not praise them enough! They also allow us to be seen together. Everything from seeing our Consultant, to blood tests! We are there side by side. OK! enough waffle for one day!

I may post more later as I am finding this quite cathartic, whether anyone reads it or not! If you have stopped by and taken the time to read this, then Thank You!

If you have any questions then please feel free to post a comment and I will do my utmost to respond in a timely manner. For now - So Long :o)